Facebook Fast

Well, my pastor, friggin Ryan Parish, challenged everyone at church two weeks ago to decide by last week something that we would be willing to give up for a week.  My first thought was Coke Classic, because it is my biggest dietary vice.  I once punched my husband because he wouldn't go buy me some soda.  (Thankfully, that was an isolated incident, I didn't even remotely hurt him, though I am pretty sure I hurt myself, and it has now become a source of amusing but snarky comments when we are running low in the fridge.)  I have at various times in my life attempted to give it up because I KNOW it's horrible for me.  But sweet, sweet Coca-Cola is so delicious.

However, my soda consumption has never really been a hindrance with my faith.  What Ryan was really challenging us to do was give up the thing(s) which distracted us from the Kingdom.  Things that we did to "kill time."  Things that were preventing us from achieving our purpose.  I tried to think of things that probably would be difficult but not really.  I tried to skirt around what I knew was the best choice.  I tried not to talk to Drew about it because I knew he would say I should give up what I knew I should and as soon as he said it, I would have to admit it and actually DO it. But dagnabbit if Drew didn't bring it up while we were trapped in the car together (also known as "driving home from church")!

So, I gave up Facebook for a week.

I thought before I started that I might wither away and die because I have an incredibly intense FOMO.  Somehow, I did not.  Partly because my mother is even nosier ("I like to call it curious") than I am and was able to still fill me in on Important Updates, like letting me know my sister was fine after the tornadoes in her state, though she did have to go to the basement.  I did find it frustrating when I needed to convey information, since FB is my primary source of communication with most people now.  I also felt lonely at times, cut off from my friends, once again because it is my primary source of communication.

However, the times when I just typically open my Facebook app and peruse everyone's meals and political gripes because I'm bored ended up being filled with something much better.  Something I hadn't even realized I had replaced with selfies of my friends and intense discussions about grammar. I filled that space with conversations with God.  We didn't have any new revelatory discussions, but they weren't rushed, obligatory chats, either.  I actually *talked* to God, and allowed Him to respond.  I had time to let the sense of gratitude for all the blessings I have received wash over me.  I had time to earnestly pray for people I love.  I had time to ask for wisdom.

When we say we don't have time for prayer or meditation, it is a lie.  The truth is that we don't wish to make it a priority over other things, whether it's work, cooking dinner, sleeping, reading, exercising, zoning in front of the TV, taking a bath, or spending time reading BuzzFeed.  Some of the things we do instead are indeed important: we need to work, we need to eat, we need to sleep.  Most are not.

I'm not going to lie.  I'm looking forward to getting back on Facebook and finding out what I missed.  However, I'm glad I took a week off to find out what I was *really* missing.

God's Side

Yes, I am going to talk about my enemies again.  I'm not sure why I'm wrestling so especially with this of late, but I am.  This morning I was scrolling through my Facebook feed, and I came across a post featuring Jim Wallace of Sojourners fame.  When I clicked on it, a quote by Lincoln was referenced saying he didn't care if God was on his side, but was concerned with being on God's side.

I like that quote.  I agree with that quote.  Yet, as I pondered it this morning, it brought me back to this idea of praying for my enemies and what that means. 

Recently, I talked about how the point of praying for them was not just so they could be brought around to my correct way of thinking, but perhaps I could be brought to theirs.  This came to mind while thinking about the Lincoln quote.  If we are all praying for our enemies, we will all be seeking after God's will, right?  I believe earnestly seeking after God's will means we are open to His molding, and direction.  Sometimes this means we have to follow somewhere we didn't intend to go.  Sometimes this means forgiving people we enjoy being mad at.  Sometimes this even means acknowledging we need to repent and change our way of thinking, and behaving.

So, here's a super novel concept to make sure I'm not just applying The Way I'd Like Things To Be to God- I could actually pray without ceasing! That's right.  I said it.  I could talk to God more.  And better yet, I could wait quietly for an answer. 

Ya know, I think that might be what holds me back.  In prayer as often in regular conversations, I spend my time sharing what I want to say, and not always listening.  How can I truly find peace with my enemies if I'm busy telling God to make them more like me?  I suspect many already are, in that regard.  How can I know what God's side is, if I never give Him a chance to tell me?  All too often time in prayer consists of talking to God, thanking Him for blessings, asking for more, and then saying "Amen," and going on with my business.  God has to talk super fast if He has anything to say to me!  Fortunately, He finds ways to reveal Himself to me all the time.  But how much more would I hear if I would just Be Still? 

I might even find out how to be on His side.

Surely Not I

So, I've been thinking about my post from last week about praying for our enemies.  One thing that has always been part of that for me (and I suspect most people), is the notion that by praying for the softening of their hearts, God will eventually help them see The Error of Their Ways.  That reconciliation will come from forgiveness on my part, and movement on theirs.

But, and here's a question I have rarely asked myself ever, what if I'm wrong?  Of course, this simply can't be.  My supreme humility means I have always concluded the right and proper viewpoint.  I can't possibly be wrong.  I know what the Bible says.  If someone thinks differently from me, they clearly are being influenced by their own desires, or propaganda, or they're simply naive.

I don't know.  I really like the idea of praying that God will fix people I don't like.  It just seems wrong that in praying for people with whom I disagree, or have hurt me or people I love, I'm the one who needs to change!

It's so much easier to compare myself to Jesus, dying for sinners, asking God to forgive them, the very people who placed him there.  It's so much nicer to view myself in a benevolent state of prayer, rising above my own angst and feelings of bitterness to be the Better Person.  Being smug is my favorite feeling in all the world, so why is it so hard for me to practice praying for my enemies?

I suspect it's because in doing so, the stirrings of my own failings are awakened in me, and not just the lack of forgiveness kind.  Maybe I have misidentified Truth.  Maybe I'm right about it, but I cling to pride in the knowing of it too much.  Maybe nobody is wrong.  Maybe we all are.

Whatever it is, God does make it VERY clear that we are to pray for those who persecute is.  We are to love our enemies.  It's hard.  Being a disciple can really suck sometimes.  But I know without a doubt that obedience, no matter how difficult, will be worth it.

Praying for my Enemies

When things like what happened yesterday at the Boston Marathon occur, it's easy to remind ourselves of certain things we're "supposed" to do.  We are called to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.  But what does that really mean?  We also are commanded to pray without ceasing.  How are we to do this?

I often feel smug that in my enlightened state, I recognize that our world would look very different if we actually did these things in conjunction with each other.  There would be less violence in the world, the leaders of every nation would exhibit greater wisdom, people everywhere would just get along in a more civilized manner.  I truly believe this.  Of course, when I'm not patting myself on the back for recognizing this, I have to admit to myself that I absolutely do not pray without ceasing, and when I pray for my enemies, it is difficult for me to do so with sincere love and freedom from snark.

I suppose it's time for me to put up or shut up.  What does it look like to love my enemies?  I can pray for wisdom, for softening of their hearts, but do I really have to ask God to bless them?  I think the answer is yes.  I really don't like that.  I'm fine with asking for them to have a changed heart, because after all, that means they're going to be more like me!  And who doesn't want that?  I'm awesome!  But...maybe in praying for people with whom I disagree, or people who aim to hurt those whom I love, part of that prayer needs to include a softening of my heart.  Perhaps part of the point of communing with God and asking for good things for people I am odds with is that I learn peace, that I can practice genuine forgiveness, that I can be loving and perhaps find reconciliation.

Hmm.  This might take effort.  This might do damage to my pride.  This might hurt.

We know abstractly that we are not to conform God to us, but be conformed to Him.  Yet, we find ourselves at the very least only conforming to the things with which we experience the least discomfort.  Loving our enemies is lovely in an I-don't-hate-you kind of way.  It's nice having a self-satisfied peace knowing we will not let them "get" to us.  I don't think that's enough.  A while back, I read this blog by my sister: What I Learned from Martin Luther King, Jr When I Prayed for Newt Gingrich.  I agreed with everything she said, and thought how rad and smart she is.  But...that was that.  I didn't actually change any of my own habits.  That is just asking too much!

So, here we are, with more violence, more foolishness, more calamity.  If I am to be truly honest with myself, I am part of the problem, because I refuse to be obedient.  Praying- truly, deeply, lovingly praying- for our enemies requires humility.  It requires that I acknowledge that God loves them, too.  It requires that I acknowledge that God knows best what blessings should be bestowed and on whom.

This is going to be hard.  I think I might need to ask God for strength and perseverance, too.

Dignity

Something I have been thinking about a lot lately is dignity.  Maybe it's just because I'm getting old, maybe it's because I am so lacking in it!  Either way, I've been realizing that I would rather respond to people and the world around me with dignity than with drama.  It may be fun to get extra attention.  It might be gratifying to get in that zinger that makes everyone laugh at someone who disagrees with you.  It might be funny to say inappropriate things.  I have certainly been guilty of all these things, and will likely continue to be guilty of then throughout my life.  However, what does this gain? 

The other night I was perusing Pinterest for fun things to do with Jr, and I came across this: 24 Ways to Prepare Your Young Girl to Be a Lovely Woman.  Most of it pertains to setting a good example for her.  Wait, what?  I prepare my daughter for the world through my example?  I help her be a lovely woman by being lovely myself?  But that takes woooork!  And yet, I want her to be kind.  I want her to be polite.  I want her to be loving, sincerely loving to others, and to care about the world around her.  Am I prepared to be the person I want her to be?  Wouldn't it be so much easier to just pray her into awesomeness in spite of me?

Yesterday in his sermon, Ryan spoke about being in fellowship with Christ, and how if we have to be truthful, the less fellowship we have with the Lord means we have greater fellowship with the enemy.  He read a passage that pointed out how "they" (really, we) glory in their shame.  The first thing that popped in my head was America's love of tackiness like Jersey Shore.  Why oh why does our culture glory in cat fights and barroom brawls and shallow, clueless people?  I'm not a fan, but then the second thought I had was my love of "that's what SHE said" jokes.  Oops.  But- they're funny! Yet, my vision of my child as an adult is someone organizing a village to build a school where none has been before, or leading a protest against injustice, not snickering over naughty jokes with her friends.

It's hard sometimes in today's world.  Somewhere along the line, things that lend themselves to dignity in a woman have been distorted and scorned.  Being supportive of one's husband, and deferring to him, acknowledging his wisdom, also known as submitting, has become A Bad Thing.  Instead, the word submission is equated with oppression, and every other commercial has husbands being portrayed as an incompetent buffoon.  If we love someone -regardless of the relationship- don't we desire to support them?  No wonder so many people are having a difficult time having a happy marriage- we're being inundated with messages that we should have respect for nobody but ourselves.

Another thing that has been distorted is this weird notion that to be strong, women have to be unladylike, or crass, or loud.  Huh?  I refer back to the love of tackiness.  Being louder or getting more attention doesn't make you more right (regardless of your gender).  Doing the right thing, sometimes at your own expense, makes you strong.  Knowing your capabilities and boundaries and abiding by them makes you strong.  Overcoming your fears makes you strong. Biting your tongue makes you strong.  Acknowledging your own weaknesses makes you strong.  Doing what you need to to eliminate those weaknesses makes you strong.  Being kind, even to those who least deserve it, makes you strong.

This morning I read the famous passage, Proverbs 31.  "She is clothed in strength and dignity." Who knew this was such a difficult thing to achieve?